Friday, July 27, 2007


I really shouldn't be spending my time posting, much less doing anything other than rushing around like a speed addicted overachiever trying to get things in order during the one last week I have at work but I can't help it; I feel a responsibility to try to get things put in order before I go but I also feel a responsibility to over share my boring life with the blogosphere.

And let's face it, after my last day as a "Great Job Title Supervisor Person" at *Financial Institution* these fuckheads will never even crack open the binders and files I have worked diligently to create for them to help them after I am gone, no, they will be assholes and act like I left them high and dry and they will complain that they can't do their job because there is something I didn't do for them before I left and oh gob how put out can they be? As stated, they are fuckheads. You and I and every soul on the damn internets knows that even though I have laid out a perfect timeline schedule for the ATM install I won't be here to do (oh GOD that is so wonderful to say) that those fucktards will still manage to jack it up. Big time. It is actually a pathetic act in futility to do all of the stuff I am doing when I know damn well it will never be touched, used, or looked at, but I can't not do it. I just can't.

Just like I cannot not post. Man, my english skills sure have declined since working at this place, isn't that like a triple negative? I don't think they even let you do that in other languages.

Anywho the reason I am posting is to mention that since declaring my intention to date the universe has decided to call a moratorium on people asking me out. The only date offer I have received recently involves once again the guy who works with my ex. He tried about two months ago to ask me out and I just didn't call him back. If I wind up calling back someone I don't want to go out with I will find myself, in three months time, engaged to them and trying to figure out how to call off the wedding. I don't want to have a few kids with this guy before I am forced to just smother him to death in his sleep and dispose of his body in the Nevada desert, hence, I didn't initiate any contact with him at all. Naturally he took this to mean that he should call again in two months and leave me a ten minute long message about getting together this weekend for sushi. Sometimes guys can be weird, even if I tell them that I would rather copulate with a rabies infested baboon they still take it as a sign that they have a chance.

I plan to not call him back, again. I would solicit for suggestions but there are only two options: explain nicely that I am not interested and wind up trying to shake this guy for the rest of my life or just not call him back. He seems perfectly nice but there is no way, on a hot or cold day in hell, that I will date a colleague of my ex. That is just asking for trouble.

In between leaving the current job, taking a wee bit of time off to spend with family and starting my new job I don't even really have time for dating. Which, actually, is a silly thing to say because who can't make time to eat lobster and take moonlit walks on the beach? I mean, isn't that how dating works these days? eHarmony, in a fit of desperation to get me to sign up, has now offered me three months for the price of one, which means I would pay sixty bucks for ninety days of meetings with socially awkward shut ins and domestic abusers. Sweet. I'm almost considering doing it just to kick start my memoir titled "Holy Hell Internet Dating is the Scourge of Existence."

In the meantime I have my own little to-do list to finish before I leave.
1. Write thank you cards for all my co-workers
2. Find small thoughtful gifts for special co-workers
3. Take picture of my office/desk space (yes, am a dork, want to remember the
4. Find out which kinda co-worker someone wanted to set me up with once and accept a date with them JUST SO I FINALLY HAVE A DATE TO WRITE ABOUT for you guys, because, really, I am nothing if not a giver. Plus there is one kinda cute guy and I would maybe consider it now especially since I won't have to see him every day and it would be a great starter date.

That is it for now, other than I may be more than a little hurt that no one, not one person, asked me to guest post while they are at Blogher. Not one! Is it my use of the terms fuckhead, asshole, fucktard, monkeyfucker and bastard? Is it? I'm feeling kinda rejected here. Just know that if I had been asked it would have been the best post ever! Ever! But now you will never know because I hate all of you. Hate. Enjoy your stupid conference and see if I ever comment again fuck-bastard-tards.

Off to run reports now.


sallyacious said...

Maybe the people going to blogher tend to post from there? I mean, I would. Any hotel that hosts a blogging conference has GOT to have free WiFi.

Why are you writing thank you notes to coworkers? You really don't have to do that, you know. Really. You haven't eviscerated them and that should be thanks enough.

Eris said...

Sallyacious: Even though my co-workers are evil, lazy, self-serving jackasses I am still leaving this place on a high note. A "gosh I am so sorry I am leaving but this other opportnity was too good to pass up and thank you for the job" sort of attitude so they don't have anything to call me out on. Besides, there are a few of my co-workers that I wouldn't mind thanking for their hard work. They are probably going to quit right behind me but people, especially at this place, don't hear thank you as often as they should.

And as for BlogHer? Some people are indeed having guest posters and I was certainly not invited to be one. *sob* but that is just fine because why would I care if my imaginary internet friends liked me enough to let me swear all willy nilly on their site? It doesn't matter to me anyway!

So@24 said...

I'm at the edge of my electronic seat anxiously awaiting the next "date" post!