Thursday, July 5, 2007

No real post here, just be on your way, come back tomorrow

So I am trying to write about the ten year high school class reunion I went to for the class a couple years above me two weeks ago which was followed by the fire that burned down my childhood which was followed by the road trip to San Diego which was followed by world's most selfish dumb whore of a bride's wedding drama which was followed by coming back to my crappy job and frankly? It just isn't happening. I've got a few posts all started and waiting but I'm not sure what I want to say yet. I'm not even sure I know what day it is. It has been such a rush and crunch and honestly? I just feel like rambling for a bit. My brain needs to be dusted.

I'm back on my heavy duty diet where I eat fruit, veggies, yogurt and fiber rich cereal with non fat milk everyday. 1100 calories! Yay! Woo! Today I'm even adding two hard boiled eggs. I'm not hating this diet quite so much this time around but give me a week and we will see. I'll be bitching about my need for a breakfast burrito before you can say "welcome back to fatville Eris".

I'm working out on a regular basis too, but today I am not looking forward to the cross town freeway drive to the gym in 109 degree weather with no air conditioning. Did I say 109 degrees? With no air conditioning in my car? That's right bitches, sucks to be me. I don't know what this converts to in Celsius but I am fairly confident that it is one million degrees.

I planned on doing all my laundry yesterday and making all my healthy meals and shredding all my papers. What did I do instead? Sleep. All. Day. Long. I am amazing. I can sleep for literally days if I have a water bottle next to my bed. I imagine that this is not a healthy trait that I've developed over the years but it felt nice. Now I have to go home to a mountain of laundry that has engulfed my living room and I'm going to be upset but past Eris can't be responsible for what present Eris has to deal with, she is flaky like that. Bitch.

I thought the people in San Diego were supposed to be like a hybrid race for the super hot, um, was I in the wrong places? I was all over that damn city and I didn't see ANY uber hot people. As a matter of fact the quality of beach bodies was such that my self esteem has been boosted 1000%. By the end of the vacation my friends had to pry the thong bikini swimsuit out of my hands because my level of delusion had reached epic proportions. Seriously, I looked AMAZING compared to those people. Even with the big bruise I had on my left thigh the size of my fist. I may have to post pictures here. That is, until I actually see the pictures, start sobbing, and retreat into hiding in my closet. We shall see.

A breakfast burrito sounds like heaven now.


Could y'all please find some handsome, wonderful, caring man to love me even if I stay 15 pounds overweight? That would be great.

Thank you.


Sallyacious said...

First of all, my sweetie made DEVILED EGGS for me for the Fourth of July. Because it's tradition and he rocks like that. Oh. My. God. So. Good.

Secondly, 1200 calories/day? Your body is going to think you're starving and will adjust accordingly. You'll find it that much harder to take off the weight. Much better to just eat healthier and exercise more. It takes longer, but it lasts longer as well. (Voice of experience here.)

Third, a good man will love you for your witty, sassy, sarcastic tongue, just like your loyal readers. He's not going to care about your being 2 dress sizes larger than you'd like to be. If I find one, I'll send him your way.

Jay said...

For not a real post, this one sure did make me smile.

Eris said...

Sallyacious: This is my version of eating healthier and excersizing more. According to online sourcs (hello google) if I want to stay at my current weight and not gain and not excersize I can eat 1680 a day. If I want to lose weight and not excersize I get to eat a whopping 1350 calories a day. If I want to lose weight and excersize and not starve myself I can drop down to the 1100-1200 range as long as I don't skimp on nutrients and protein.

As for the man thing I am getting to be too old to think that there is actually one out there. I think it is time to focus on marryng a rich old one and killing him off.

I would marry deviled eggs if I could.


Jay: Thank you! Now of the twenty blogs you have which should I be looking at?

sallyacious said...

1680 calories a day to maintain? Good heavens. You must be so small already that you're invisible to the naked eye. You're roughly half of me.

And yes, deviled eggs are the very best food ever. Along with Aussie Fries from Outback. It's like an orgasm on a plate.

Meaghan C. said...

Fuck 15 pounds. If he doesn't love you 45 over, he's not worth a second glance. The way we judge our bodies is a crime.

The CEO said...

I'm still married to my first wife and neither of us is within striking distance of being 15 pounds overweight, nor do I give a shit about her weight.

Maya said...

If there is a man who doesn't swoon over you and your B.A.MoFo sense of humor soon and not give a fig if you're 15 or 30 lbs over...well, I'll buy a hat and eat it.