Sunday, September 30, 2007

Who do you think is more reputible: Hoppy Harry's Used Car Extravaganza or the dealership where the guy dresses up as a giant crawfish?

I have to buy a new car. Well, a car that is new to me. My highest limit is $10,000.00 which will buy me approximately three specialty coffee drinks from Starbucks or a car with no wheels and three hundred thousand miles on it. My current car only has two hundred eighty thousand miles on it so you can imagine I am a bit stressed.

I've known that this was coming for awhile but that doesn't make it any more fun. Every time I attempt to look at cars online or even think about wandering over to a used car lot I wind up taking to bed, mildly ill, and having to sleep for a few hours depending on how long I actually spent contemplating the "new" car. As you can imagine this is becoming a huge handicap as I am sleeping away my weekends in three hour chunks and nodding off as I drive by dealerships on my way home.

There have been many things that I didn't want to do in my lifetime which I still did, but very few things I simply couldn't do, like cleaning up the bits of my dead baby hamsters after the mom decided that they made good snacks. You can equate my desire to locate, inspect, purchase and drive a new car with my desire to pick up the gruesome remains of a hamster murder scene when I was just a little kid. I simply can't do it. My mom had to be the CSI team that took care of that horror. I think my energy may be better spent trying to find someone else do this task for me as well. Unfortunately my mom knows less about cars than a thawed out cave man so I can't turn to her again in my time of weakness.

What I need is someone to locate said car, barter down said deal, find said financing and give me said keys. In turn I will pay for the car, drive the car, and be able to resume regular function of my day to day life. It doesn't need to be a good looking car, just a car that will be very reliable and run well.

I understand that in my price range I am only going to get an ugly car that will last me a few years until someday when I optimistically believe that I will be able to upgrade to something that has all matching doors. The car also has to be able to handle harsh weather; it has to be able to clear two feet of snow driving up over a mountain pass that gains 2500 vertical feet in a raging blizzard. Don't laugh, my 4runner has never had any trouble doing this. My cursed 4runner has has trouble with every other freaking task EVER except for this.

Is it okay if the car doesn't have air conditioning because though it would be nice in the over hundred degree (over 38C according to Google) weather I regularly experience when it isn't snowing, I haven't ever had a vehicle with air conditioning since moving here and therefore wouldn't even know what I was missing. The new car must also not get worse mileage than 21-26 mpg (I am not googling kilometer conversion, I've made you soft with the Celsius conversion already) as that is what I get now and cannot budget for less. I will be cutting holes in the floor of the driver's side and manually running the car around if I have to settle for less.

I am cognizant of the potential for how humiliatingly ugly that this car must be but that doesn't mean that my ego isn't aching a bit at the prospect. My current vehicle is mechanically shot but miraculously still looks pretty good from the outside. In the seven years that I have called it my own, after buying it outright from cash I had painstakingly saved from every job I'd ever had, I've replaced: three head gaskets, two engines, the entire cooling system twice, three clutches, every ball bearing several times over, all the belts several times over, the breaks once, the heater once and a litany of other parts. I suspect the only original bit is the driver's seat.

That damn cursed vehicle has cost me easily three times the original sticker price and buried me deep in debt. Yet it still looks pretty from the outside. Imagine this vehicle in white. It even manages to look as though I could shave a few years off of it; people regularly guess it to be a '98 or '99 when it is a '91. I can only hope that my future vehicle won't have spray painted curse words on it, be missing both fenders, the muffler, and have four mismatched wheels.

In my failing and pathetic pursuit to find friends and a date I fear that bumping up in my sweet sweet POS ride isn't going to help my case right from the get go. I'll be working even harder to overcome the plumes of smoke that follow me and the fact that I have to start the thing with a screwdriver by jimmying the distributor cap. You would think I might be better off with my current ride but you would be wrong. I have to get a "new" car very soon and I have no idea how I'm going to do it. I'm just not psychically or mentally capable. I'm making up excuses to stay away from my computer. My bookshelf has never been more alphabetized but I'm wasting daylight.

Augh. I have to lie down now. All this talk of attempting to buy a car is making me light headed and heavy hearted. I better start carving up a shank and practice walking long distances, the American public transit system is pretty bad.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I'm just rambling here because apparently, I have forgotten how to compose a concise blog post

The only bummer with the internet is now everyone I want to chat with is offline by the time I get home. Y'all on the east coast need to stay up later. Or something. I could hunt down some west coasters, but then again, the few I do know seem to have lives. I mean, what is up with that?

So. Let's see. The last month. I started my new job and I am fairly happy. At first the transition from being senior management and supreme ruler (albeit totally ignored and not listened to ever) to being a lowly peon threw me for a loop. I had no idea how to take the level of stress down. Now, however, I feel I am adjusting quite nicely to not being in charge and not having every technical problem be blamed entirely on me. It is pretty sweet. Sure, I may sit in a cramped windowless room with three other people all day and I feel that my personal space is being greatly infringed upon but Much! Less! Stress! Seriously. Plus, these people kinda get me. It took years before I even let on my quirky sense of humor to people at the last job; at the new one I'm far more relaxed. Now, naturally there are retarded people and crazy stories to share but I can't: no blogging the new job. I actually care about keeping this one and prefer to not be found out. Sadly I shall have to save those for my memoirs.

My job now presents far less stress which is great! But this also means that the universe is not pleased, and naturally, decides to balance out my life by making things dramatically worse with my family. Fun. But such things shall not bother me right now for I am drinking and blogging for the first time ever! Drinking! And blogging! In my own living room! Hallelujah. As if this post wasn't rambling enough it is only going to get worse, so hold on to your hat.

More updates:


Nothing. Zilch. Remember my rules? No co-workers, associates of my ex or obvious crazies. Guess who are the only people who have offered interest? Guess who are the only people calling? AURGH. It has been months people. 2007 is shaping up to be the year of no dates. Where the hell am I supposed to be meet a nice dentist or something? WHERE? Not that this is a new or novel problem. There are entire magazines and publishing companies that have prospered for centuries based on this concept. I don't need Oprah telling me to dress nice when I go grocery shopping and leave myself open to new encounters. Grocery shopping is meant to be completed with unwashed hair in flannel pajama pants Oprah, don't make me feel all guilty that I'm not open to finding love in Walmart.


Um, already covered it.

Social Life:

I'm trying, still. I like to think that it is getting better but I still get discouraged. I still have a rough time constantly putting myself out there and feeling like I am a total loser because these are supposedly the care free fun times of my life and I am a dismal failure. Case in point: a girl I grew up with is living in New York City and jaunts off every. single. weekend. on fabulous trips around the world. She has designer clothes. She has a posh loft. Her damn parents send her the equivalent of my monthly salary to suppliment her income so DUH that helps, but good lord! I live in a shitty desert town and can hardly afford to pay all my bills every month. Wah Wah Wah pity party for me, I know, because I am truly grateful for what I have, but really, is a few groovy people to hang out with too much to ask? I'm not even looking to move out of my crappy city to some fab location, I just want people to laugh with over beers once or twice a month. Feh, moving on.

I can't remember anything else I need to update you on. It is the liquor. Now then, I am going to sit here and stare at my computer screen in hopes that someone will sign into some messenger program so that I can use the internet I can barely afford for contact with other human beings. Damnit people! Get thee online!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wedge Antilies

I'm back!

From outer space!

Yet my computer isn't so happy. Still. Something about 356 infected files. I'm not sure. I work in the tech field so you would think that I would begin have an idea about what I'm doing but no, that would not be the case. I can fix an ATM like you would not believe but personal home computing? What? If I don't need to build an exchange server for it I'm clueless. Don't blame me; I got my damn degree in Spanish. I didn't think that I would be going into the tech field. I thought I would be a writer of some sort, dividing my time between Spain and some fabulous flat in the states. I live in a shitty city in the desert and I work on computers. But enough already! Enough with the bitchng! I HAVE THE INTERNET!


Now then. I'm off to catch up on your damn archives. It's been too long.
The time draws near when I should have internet access once again. If my laptop repairs work and if my shady neighbors don't steal the modem that is being delivered (FINALLY) today and if there isn't some kind of freak power outtage or something I might, just maybe, have the internet again. Cross your toes people!

I need to take an informal poll in anticipation of said event. What do you use for your home connection to protect your internetness? You know, firewall, virus scan, etc. What works for you, what do you like, and what do you suggest? If it is free or cheap that is also a major bonus. My web company does not offer protection or a security suite so I'm left figuring it out on my own, which is where you, the internets, may be of some assistance.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

It's my party and I'll just sit alone, I guess.

Hello Birthday Well Wishers!

I hear, via phone text from another blogger, that the enchanting Ms. HollowSquirrel shared my birthday with the internets today. Thank you HollowSquirrel! When AT&T is done finding my missing phone and internet line order (that I PAID for two weeks ago, $120 freaking dollars) and actually hooking the damn thing up I might, MIGHT, for the first time in over a month be able to see blogs again. Oh sweet sweet jebus how I miss blogs. And the internet. This is being typed up in email, secret like, and mailed to my trusted posting pal who is keeping this miserable little site semi updated while I patiently await for the idiots at the phone company to sort out just why, exactly, they lost my order. Gah.

Anyhoo yay for birthdays! I'm going out for sushi tonight and if the people who said they were going to show up actually show up then it will be the best birthday ever. I would prefer to not be sitting alone eatting raw fish and crying salty tears into my saki so lets all hope that people don't flake, shall we?

I still miss you all!