Oh internet. All I want to do is be witty and charming and adorable for you today. All I want to do is tap into whatever that inane little river of nonsense is inside of me and chat merrilly away about whatever crap floats into my head.
The river is all dried up.
As the sun burns hot and red through the window over my desk, filtered by more clouds of thick, choking, brown ash and dust from yet another fire, I am feeling quite parched. So parched, in fact, that I don't even have it in me to take this river analogy anywhere.
I really don't want to write about work because what more is there to say? You know I work for the financial institution that satan himself uses. You know that I am surrounded by people who are trying to slowly kill me in the most excrutiating way possible. You know that I am actively pursuing a new position that pays more than poverty level wages yet the inhuman effort I have put forth yields me with nothing.
You know about my love life. You know about my diet. You know about my hatred of tags on clothing, love of nacho cheese and you have witnessed my mad paint rendering skillz. You are likely bored out of your mind right now.
Therefore tell me something nice about yourself. Anything nice. The world, obviously, needs some more nice and I am not contributing to it. So I will start: I always use my turn signal while driving.