Friday, July 13, 2007

DUDE, I get the hint

According the comments on this humiliating post there is nothing wrong with an irrational seven year pining for someone nearly three times my age and married with grandkids, no, the problem is that I am not dating.

Some people practically berated me, calling me a lonely actor hating workaholic whore. Or something. I need to re-read that comment. Other people are far more trusting than me and think that casual dating doesn't involve promises or expectations. This gentleman was surprisingly candid and sweet. At first this gal said go for it but then she noticed that he is married and retracted her statement in another comment. This person commented again though I really can't recall what she said as I was too busy cowering in fear about her first comment where, and I am paraphrasing here, she called me a fat ugly pathetic loser and told me she is surprised that anyone has ever shown interest in me and I should just jump off a bridge to make the world a better place. Dude! Why is the internet so full of haters? Finally, this intimidating guy tried to scare the stupid crush out of me and it almost worked too, except it is hard to take a guy who works his balls into every post he writes seriously.

The overall impression I got (Sally, you know I'm just messing with you) is that I should be dating. Now. Ten minutes ago! Get thee out and get a free meal! Then tell the internet about it! So that the internet can be entertained! Because the majority of the comments came from people who are happily married! FINE. Just for you, because I cave to peer pressure, I'll make it my goal to go out on at least one date in the next two weeks. You happy? You, Maya, who wants to see me suffer? And you, Hollowquirrel, who wants me to have to crawl out a bathroom window in a restaurant to escape the company of a crazy man? FINE FINE FINE.

I promise that I'll go out with the next guy that asks me. So long as he doesn't work with my ex, isn't married, and has never been in jail. Well, not to jail for something really bad. If he went to jail for a peaceful protest or something that is okay. Actually, if one of the commenters would volunteer to do background checks on any guy I decide is okay for a first date then that would be cool. Just not Sally, I think she has it out for me.

A coworker just expressed serious interest in a date about thirty seconds ago. Buah hah hahhhhhhh I love how my life rolls. Sorry though, I have to add no coworkers to my qualifications, it just wouldn't be prudent.


Maya said...

Did I ever tell you that before Scott and I started going out, I was enacting my "Say Yes" program? I had more dates (lunch, coffee dinner) in just a few weeks than I knew what to do with. I also went out to lunch (to the park! it was fun!) with a guy who smelled of patchoulli and hippy, but was totally hot. And another one who could/would NOT stop talking about his ex. And one, no wait, TWO of my old friends, who while incredibly gorgeous, were like my brothers and that was...icky. Trust me the Mixed bag = lots of fun.

So@24 said...

I was worried you were going to stick to your original mantra of "NO DATES"! It's selfish of me, but you're right... the internet needs to be entertained. Part of that, being me. Looking forward to the stories to come!

sallyacious said...

I think your three requirements are good ones. Jail time, though a potential source for amusing stories, is probably not a good indicator of stability.

But yes, please, do kiss and tell.

Eris said...

Maya: I think I did hear about this. Did all the guys pay? Did you let them pick you up/know where you live? Did you let them know your last name or did you give them a fake name so they couldn't stalk you? Just curious.

so@24: Of course this means I'm going to go on some of the most boring dates ever and be like "the hell?"

Sallyacious: I guess trolling for guys through an internet jail penpal posting is a bad idea then?

So@24 said...

I really hope I didnt just jinx this whole operation

Andy said...

I may not have the time to run background checks on any of the guys but I would be more than happy to beat the living crap out of any one of them that you deem creepy, rude, crazy, mean, psychotic, aggressive, makes you pay, uses very strong innuendoes, has a collection of real childrens' heads and lives in his grandmothers basement, takes you to McDonalds, attempts to make an unauthorized move, or any other action that you remotely disapprove of.

In short. I've got your back. And I'd happily go to jail defending your dignity, honor, and sanity.

Now go get 'em, tiger!

Maya said...

Did all the guys pay? NATURALLY. (Except for when I did. Which was...once, I THINK.) Did you let them pick you up/know where you live? (NO. I either met them out or we were friends) Did you let them know your last name or did you give them a fake name so they couldn't stalk you? No. Didn't give it a second thought, to be honest.