To the sullen bitch who took my rent check today, didn't say hi, didn't even look up when I walked in the office and then grunted at the rent check box: The hell? When I asked if you were at least going to date stamp it or something I didn't mean to interrupt your very important brooding, I am SO SORRY that you have a cush office job while other people are starving on the streets. I am also SO SORRY that I expected YOU, the front person for my rental company, to be some semblance of friendly, if not at the very least semi polite. I swear to the heavens that if my rent check turns up missing and they try to charge me a late fee I am so getting up in your face. I've seen a few commercials for Jerry Springer, don't cross me hood rat.
To the tattooed jackass with the Napoleon complex who bagged 28 pounds of groceries into ONE FREAKING BAG (hell yes I weighed it when I got home): the hell? Um, sorry I'm a consumerist bitch that won't buy your "reusable" grocery bags and demands paper, because, guess what? I reuse the paper bags until they literally decompose all on their own. My grand kids are going to get some of my paper grocery bags as part of their legacy. Don't give me bitch-ass attitude, particularly when you are SHORTER than me, when I ask for paper freaking bags. Also don't put all of my purchases in one bag, starting with the RICE CAKES on the bottom. This isn't a competition, I know I am likely more eco friendly than you you fucking poser, so give me more than one bag for my groceries. I will so call your manager and complain because I? I can be that way. Customer service is an art Sir, and you are no artist, no matter what you think your tattoos tell the world about you.
And finally, to Britney. Baby? We gotta talk. You were blessed with two beautiful children. I know that your life has been turmoil and a mess and I also know that society more than helped contribute to it, but I pray that you, and someone else close to me much like you, find strength and grow the hell up. I would be in awe if I somehow were blessed with children, much less given all the money in the world, and as much as I just want to beat the ever living shit out of you until you "get it" at this time you are just in my prayers. They took your poor kids away for a reason sweetie, don't make it worse. You are in my prayers in a way few have ever been before. Please don't go on a drug binge and please don't try to hurt yourself. We all fuck up, that is probably the meaning of life, but that means that we have to grow. Please be safe. Please. Because if you can then someone else I know might get better too.
Also, I would be the number one hater in your anti fan club but that performance you gave? The dead, soulless, high one at the VMA's? You were a horrific train wreck but you weren't fat. I'll give you that.