Saturday, October 20, 2007


My mom, a lovely and intelligent woman who never leaves the house, is convinced that there is a family curse on her side. If you examined her family from the outside looking in you would see that as highly possible. What I see is a long line of depressives, schizophrenics and alcoholics. Curse? Perhaps. However, such behavior and traits do not bring on happy things, ergo, I can see why they are convinced that they are "cursed". Several hundred years ago I imagine our clansman sitting around a cave drinking fermented grass juice and feeling woe about the overall state of things while the other clansman were out with Braveheart actually doing something about their situation.

It bothers me that my mom thinks she is cursed. Life is frustrating and trial-some and sometimes downright horrible, but just because you seem to be load balanced with an unfair share doesn't imply that one of your ancestors kicked a witch while she was down. I think it implies that life is a bitch; so deal with it. Well, I would, if sometimes I didn't feel cursed too.

I can write off the majority of bad things that happen in my mom's life as being totally random, and therefore not worth consideration, or totally relational cause and effect. Live a life focused on the negative and that is all you will see. I'm not going to go all "Secret" on you but even if there is no relation between positive thinking and good things, I would rather live a life with happy thoughts and crappy stuff than negative thoughts and crappy stuff. You can't change the crappy stuff but you can change the way you feel when you wake up in the morning. This is WAY easier said than done because somewhere in my nature, perhaps the genes from my mother's side, I have been programmed to be infinitely and interminably negative. It is my number one fault, a huge cripple, and severely depressing.

Perhaps that is the answer. My mother's family is not truly cursed: they are negative. I don't need a degree in, well, anything to tell you that negative people are unhappy people, unhappy people feel the brunt of their 'bad' decisions worse, and unhappy people lead unsatisfied lives. This isn't rocket science. It is common sense.

When my mother says something with an air of resignation in regard to "the curse" I react with anger and misery. "It isn't the curse damnit!" I want to scream, it is either random or due to negativity, and the only way to cope with it is to keep going forward. Don't dwell, don't let negative thoughts get the better of you, always look on the bright side of life! I cannot do this, however, because that may very well be the pot calling the kettle black. (Why do those two have an ages long rivalry?)

I am not responsible, no matter how hard I try, for anyone's happiness but my own. None of us are. That is likely the second greatest lesson I must learn. I cannot control anyone, nor the outcome of any situation. The only person I can lift the curse off of is myself. If only I knew a good witch doctor, I would be set.

I'm a full fledged adult now, damn wrinkles an all, and though I love my mother dearly along with my whole family, I need to distance myself and start living like an adult. Sure, I've been paying bills and being responsible for years, but there is much more to being an adult that resigning oneself to a 9-5 prison and settling in a city you don't particularly care for. There is the matter of actually growing up. And not being cursed.

Is there anyone in your life that carries a curse? Do you? How do you view it or deal with it? Should I start carrying crystals and sage around?


Andy said...

I'm cursed. With relationships. Badly. Explanation would take so long to type and besides you already know why.

My mom bought me some crystals. They're pretty rocks. I don't feel all 'connected' or anything though. But I like pretty rocks. Ooh.

maya said...

Now here's a funny thing... You know I'm not a whacky crystal carrying type, right? But if I believed in such things, I'd definitely say I was cursed. Not my family but me in particular. My solution to this is simple: I expect the worst to happen and occasionally am pleasantly surprised to be wrong. But mostly I'm right, sadly.

The CEO said...

One of the best posts you have ever written. You hit things right on the head. I particularly like the part about preferring to live with positive thoughts while bad things happened. How true.

All I'd add is to eat more chocolate, and garlic, naturally.

sallyacious said...

I occasionally say that certain people I know are cursed with stupidity, but really, it's me. I'm cursed with their stupidity.

No, I don't believe in curses. I do believe in bad luck. And in karma. I think any negative energy you put out toward another person comes back to you tenfold. Some people do just have shitty luck, but attitude seems to make a huge difference in their lives, a far, far greater difference than luck, in the end.

I mean, look at your life. You've survived and risen above a great deal of horribleness. Think about how different life would be if you had chosen instead to play the victim and blame everyone around you rather than getting off your duff and dealing with things.

The CEO said...


Those are hugs, Eris

Anonymous said...