Monday, June 18, 2007

All things static

I hate my job.

I hate my job.

I hate my job.

I hate my job.

I hate my job.

I hate my job.

I hate my job.

And the fucked up thing is? I can't get another one to save my life.

Fuckity fuck fuck.



I inhaled a small chocolate and some animal crackers and suddenly I feel a bit better. It is not good that food has such an effect for me but hey, at least I haven’t stormed out of the office screaming “To hell with you mother fuckers!” with absolutely no job prospects, near to nothing in the bank and no way to pay my rent next month. If some empty calories manage to do that then FINE, I guess I will be 15 pounds overweight for the rest of my life.

To recap:

I have applied for about a million (okay, 30) jobs in the last three months. I have been turned down for being under-qualified, which, okay; overqualified, which, BULLSHIT, when the hell is anyone ever over-qualified to be making more money? WHEN I ask of you oh smart internets? I have been turned down for not having enough experience even though I was the “perfect” candidate. The most heart wrenching is the most recent which literally brought me to tears: After going through a mass group test and then a total three day interview process they pushed the job recruitment back three months. Then they sent me an email with good news saying that the job would be hiring sooner than they thought. Then they sent me an email saying that due to budget issues the position was being eliminated and they were not hiring. Son of a bitch. It is a week later and I still haven’t recovered. I came up with FOUR good excuses to duck out of my current job, took a stupid test about my drug use and co-worker relations, met with seven different people over a span of two months and got, as the vernacular goes, royally fucked over. I don’t even know what to do. I am beside myself.

Out of about thirty jobs in three months I am down to one. One freaking job. It is a state job and when I tested for it there were about 50 other applicants for one open position. This is a bottom of the barrel job that I applied for out of desperation after the first time I was told I was “over qualified.” We’ll see if I even hear back, but I tell you, I have absolutely no expectations. This is the end. I know that finding a job is hard for everyone right now and that I am lucky to even have this position: I need to learn to be grateful for what I have. So that, I guess, is the question. How to I feel grateful when all I feel like is crying? That isn’t rhetorical, I’m not kidding. Since I can’t get a new job how do I feel truly lucky to have the one I’ve got? And how do I do that without breaking down in a fit of rage over how screwed up this all is? Or, in the very least, how do I keep myself from inhaling the tub of animal crackers in my office?

Gah. You’re all excited I’m back and all you get is poorly written bitching about my shitty job. Sorry.


Maya said...

Ahhhhhhh! You poor girl! I've got my fingers crossed for you to find a winning lottery ticket. Or at least a new job.

HollowSquirrel said...

UGH I'm so sorry. That's so frustrating, and my first thought "move to a new city and get a fresh start" doesn't apply when you need cashola to move and get settled.

I wish I were a millionaire. I'd hire you to just do what you want to do...even if it's tape wings to puppies.

sallyacious said...

That sucks. As in really really sucks.

I don't know how you fix it. Keep getting experience, keep applying for other jobs. Let people know if you're willing to relocate.

And find ways to take care of yourself. You can make yourself feel better with food, but try to find other ways as well. Work out or take long walks. Don't work over your lunch break, try to at least get out of the building for that time. Create art. Vent.

I have to go now. My mom is calling me for dinner. (That makes me feel like I'm about 8 years old again.)