Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Diet Delirium

How many days do you think I would have to go without eating to drop twenty pounds?

I know, I know. It is bad for my metabolism. I might just gain it all back. I'll be weak and shaky and nutty and semi delirious. It is stupid to do such a thing. The best way to lose weight is to aim for a pound or two a week while incorporating a sensible eating plan and regular exercise. I KNOW ALREADY.

But seriously, how many days? I mean, Nicole Richie and that blonde from that Blue Crush movie totally lost oodles of weight by not eating for only a few months. They went right down to svelte and sexy. Well, they went right down to that before they went skeletal but I'm not looking for skeletal: I'm looking for slender. Attractive. Not carrying saddle bags o' nacho cheese around my hips. Then of course I'll have to get breast implants since I don't have much on top to begin with and I imagine I may lose a bit of it during the no-eating process. I suppose I could get my forehead botoxed at the same time and just a little bit of lip plumping for good measure. My lips are nice, sure, but we're talking preventative now.

So what are we looking at here, three, maybe four months? That doesn't sound that bad at all. I'll be ready for bikini shopping by April.

Sweet.

3 comments:

Andy said...

You're attractive just as you are. Very much so, in fact.

sallyacious said...

My best two diets so far have been the Graduate School Diet and the Teaching Way Too Many Classes Diet. Because they're both based on forgetting to eat.

Until I moved here, that possibility would never have crossed my mind. I mean, how can a person forget to eat? It's like forgetting to breathe. And yet, I've dropped 10 pounds this semester. (I've gained back two because things slowed down and I started eating again. So clearly these diets at some point need to be replaced by the Remembering to Exercise Plan.)

Anonymous said...

I figure if I stop eating now I'll be bikini ready by august.... '09.
Or i could just enjoy life and rock the body-skimming coverups come july.
Maya