When I leave my house in the morning I look pretty good. I usually manage to shower, brush my teeth, put on mascara and clean clothes. Today I took extra time with my hair and makeup (Eyeliner! Shadow! Blending!) because I am meeting an old co-worker for lunch (yes, one from the JOB OF HELL). I kinda ratted my hair out into a poof, twisted the ends up into some buns (long hair) and then slid on two accordion like headbands so that the poof is contained and I look, in my morning delirium, both work professional and trendy.
I get to work and after washing my hands in the bathroom I catch a glimpse of myself. My hair looks like warmed over shit. It is awkward and flat in some places, poofy and snarled in others, and it is not doing my forehead any favors to have my hair so severely pulled back.
What looked like expert blending at home has become splotchy and hideous, makes my eyes look squinty and my forehead has become oil slick shiny in less than an HOUR since leaving home. My nose is peeling, blackheads visible, my cheeks look like a drive by clowining with blush, the coverup I applied is the wrong color and I have a huge flakey patch of skin next to my mouth. What. The. Hell.
It is no wonder I hate coming to work. I leave my house looking like a normal human being and once I pass the threshold I'm transformed to a bridge troll who clearly doesn't have over a decade of hair and makeup experience. I feel like I'm akin to Britney in that sad interview where she did her own hair and makeup, the one where her hair extensions were screaming audibly in horror, her false eyelash was flapping in the wind and it appeared that she only put purple eye shadow on one eye, and, oh gob, I'm chewing gum! Shoot me! Shoot me now!
Part of my goal this year was to find a face care system that works for me, start addressing the wrinkles that I'm getting (botox, I'm looking at you) and come up with a way for my makeup to look natural and decent. I've known in the back of my mind that what worked for me at 16 is no longer working for me a decade later and that my skin is getting worse that it was ever in my life but I've been avoiding the whole thing for several reasons:
A) Lack of money. The few things I tried (Philosophy can F itself, it burns! Burrrrrrrrrns! And caused acne so bad I SCARRED for the first time in my life!) were total wastes of time and money and made my skin worse.
B) Lack of knowledge. I don't know what I'm doing here people. I realize I need some kind of cleanser and exfoliater and now I need retinols (or peptides, or free radicals, or something) but I have no idea how or in what. Plus I need sunscreen and moisturizer and I need to stop the wrinkles now but sweet baby jebus I am only one woman! I work and feed myself, isn't that enough? Now I need to figure this out too?
C) There is too much "information" but not enough information, you know? I could read everything the internet has to say on the subject and come away knowing no more that if I'd just spent that time rubbing nacho cheese on my face and watching infomercials. Delicious and mind numbing.
Today just reinforces my need to get this taken care of. I know, I know, it is shallow to worry about such things but looking like hot crap makes me feel like hot crap and feeling like hot crap spills over into every aspect of my life until I can't even get out of bed in the morning.
If you need me I'll be blotting my forehead with printer paper and crying over my hair. You know, Britney and I may be kindred spirits in some ways. There are days when I just want to shave all my hair off too, I mean, mine is related to the frustration associated with having to clean it and style it daily, not with trying to get out of drug testing because my ex husband is trying to takes mah babies away but you know, it is all essentially the same, right?