Just another person struck by impossible, probably not unrequited, geriatric love.

Okay people. I need to not think about, write about or talk about work. I have already worked 25 hours this week and it isn't even midweek yet. So FINE. Fine then I will tell the internets all about my stupid hang ups when it comes to my love life. Keep in mind that I've dated and had several long term relationships. My last serious relationship was with a doctor and lasted over two years. He was a bastard, but still. In the last month I've turned down an actor, an attorney and a member of the gang task force down for dates (there was something very wrong with each of them but still! dates! oh! and there was that doctor that asked me out too but he works with the doctor I broke up with so it would have been weird) (what, I'm cute okay? even with some extra weight). Just keep my normalness and ability to have reasonable relationships in mind when you read the following.


I'm just all a flutter and retarded today because the gentleman I have been in love with since I was, oh, 18, wrote me a charming and adorable email in which he says "I love you" right at the beginning. Granted, it is promptly followed by "young lady" so it takes the edge right off but I'm still uflutter; I can't help it.

I wish I could help it. I have tried, unsuccessfully, for literally years to stop liking him so damn much. To not have the saliva drain out of my mouth and my legs give way whenever I saw him walking. I even tried to focus on his bad characteristics, and there are many, but to no avail. Hell, I even stopped talking with him for over a year.

But the charm.

And the wit.

And the three piece suits.

And the expensive cologne.

And the thoughtful gifts he has given me. The ways he has helped me. The nice things he does.

Damnit.

I'm clearly not over this.

Nothing would ever, ever happen. I guarantee it. Even if he were interested, which I cannot confirm nor deny that he ever has been, it would absolutely be out of the question. As much in love as I am with this person there is no way, ever, not at all, that I would attempt any kind of relationship.

He is married.

He has been married for longer than I have been alive.

His kids are older than me.

His kids' kids are half my age.

Want to know what makes me even weirder?

He is in his early 60s.

Yeah, um. I obviously have issues.

Huge issues.

I date. Not successfully, per se, but I do. I've dated talented, successful, fucked up, selfish, handsome, worthlesscocksuckingpricks and had several long term relationships. It doesn't matter. It always goes back to him.

I just don't understand. Even if he were single and 20 or 30 years younger I doubt if he'd be the right person for me. He has a weakness of character that drives me insane. I am certain that I have just idealized him into some unreachable podium perched persona. Part of the appeal may be that I never get to actually date him therefore there is no risk of a failed relationship; no reality of making interaction between two separate entities work. So if this were true and I knew it why can't I make it go away? Why does an email do more for me than a dozen romantic dinners?

Technically he is a dear friend and nothing more and I would never truly want it to be anymore, so...

Why do I get goosebumps when he writes me bigger than any I've ever gotten from any other guy?

Why do I hold him as the male prototype to live up to in the back of my mind?

Why am I a quarter of a century old and still acting like a lovestruck teeney bopper?

And when will it ever go away?

Why can't I stop being in love with him and move on?

What is wrong with me?

And why do I keep flipping back and forth between this post and his email and swoon?

Damnit.

Issues.

Seriously.

I'm an adult now. I have been for years. Would someone please tell this stupid, irrational, insane love to GO AWAY since it won't listen to me?



*tee* he says he loves me.







Aaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

I really, really hate people.

hate.

Yesterday my "boss" thought it would be appropriate to bring her 13 year old son to work with her while we are being audited by two entities and have him hang out in my office half the day. The reason? "Oh,he has a dentist appointment mid morning", the definition of mid morning being 11:40 am. I'm sorry, when did the work place become your personal stomping grounds lady? Now, if this were a one time thing and she were a good, dependable worker it wouldn't be problem. But she is a liar. She loses paperwork. She never gets anything done. She has tried to take credit for my work and any other person's work as an excuse for why her work is never done. This is the second time in two weeks that she has brought one or more of her kids to work, the last time showing up two hours late because the CEO and VP weren't here with both teenaged kids in tow where she proceeded to take a two hour lunch and leave an hour early.

Needless to say my skull nearly exploded.

Do I work in a fucking paralell universe or is all business rife with this kind of bullshit?

Cross your fingers people. I know any different job I ever get will be just as full of crap as this one but I'd like to be making a livable wage to put up with it.

Thanks.

Riddle me this:

Why is it that to get a job one must first have a job? And to interview for a new job you have to lie your way out of your current job? What are employers really thinking here?

They know I work a M-F, 9-5 job yet they want me to test, phone interview and in-person interview three times during the regular work week in order to be considered for the new job. What? Seriously? If I don’t have a current full time job when I apply then I am pretty much rejected immediately but if I do have a current full time job you expect me to lie to my employer and take ridiculous amounts of time off in order to run the retarded gauntlet of crap that you have deemed necessary to qualify for a job where my main responsibility would be FILING.

What are the potential new employers even thinking when they make me miss work more than three times to interview for their job? Doesn’t it in turn make me look bad to the potential new employers that I am leaving my current job in the lurch to interview ad nauseum for them? Is this a secret hidden test, like, don’t hire the one who actually shows up to all our stupid little tests because that means that she is ducking out of her current job?

I just don’t get it. They know I have a job. They even know that, on pain of death, I have told them to not contact said job EVER to let them know that I am looking elsewhere. If I were their employee would they want me to have three “doctor” appointments in one week? And “lock my keys in the car” the next? “Lose my cell phone, have a power outage, oversleep, break out in hives, rescue a kitten and have to fill many prescriptions” in less than a month? Interviewing for new jobs makes me the most unprofessional person on earth.

The system is ridiculous. I need a job to get a job:: I need time off from my first job to interview for new jobs:: I have to lie to my current job and put my employment in jeopardy in hopes of finding a new job:: I have to sneak around like a criminal to interview and apply for a new job yet I am supposed to be trustworthy and upstanding in order to be considered for a new job. How do people do this?

Batman, my brain hurts.

How bad would it look on my resume if I went from my current *very professional title* yet incredibly low paying job to being an administrative assistant (secretary) with better pay? What would this do to my professional career?

And does it even freaking matter anymore? I mean, I just yelled at one of my co-workers and basically told another one that they are an incompetant ass.

I should have stayed home today.

No real post here, just be on your way, come back tomorrow

So I am trying to write about the ten year high school class reunion I went to for the class a couple years above me two weeks ago which was followed by the fire that burned down my childhood which was followed by the road trip to San Diego which was followed by world's most selfish dumb whore of a bride's wedding drama which was followed by coming back to my crappy job and frankly? It just isn't happening. I've got a few posts all started and waiting but I'm not sure what I want to say yet. I'm not even sure I know what day it is. It has been such a rush and crunch and honestly? I just feel like rambling for a bit. My brain needs to be dusted.

I'm back on my heavy duty diet where I eat fruit, veggies, yogurt and fiber rich cereal with non fat milk everyday. 1100 calories! Yay! Woo! Today I'm even adding two hard boiled eggs. I'm not hating this diet quite so much this time around but give me a week and we will see. I'll be bitching about my need for a breakfast burrito before you can say "welcome back to fatville Eris".

I'm working out on a regular basis too, but today I am not looking forward to the cross town freeway drive to the gym in 109 degree weather with no air conditioning. Did I say 109 degrees? With no air conditioning in my car? That's right bitches, sucks to be me. I don't know what this converts to in Celsius but I am fairly confident that it is one million degrees.

I planned on doing all my laundry yesterday and making all my healthy meals and shredding all my papers. What did I do instead? Sleep. All. Day. Long. I am amazing. I can sleep for literally days if I have a water bottle next to my bed. I imagine that this is not a healthy trait that I've developed over the years but it felt nice. Now I have to go home to a mountain of laundry that has engulfed my living room and I'm going to be upset but past Eris can't be responsible for what present Eris has to deal with, she is flaky like that. Bitch.

I thought the people in San Diego were supposed to be like a hybrid race for the super hot, um, was I in the wrong places? I was all over that damn city and I didn't see ANY uber hot people. As a matter of fact the quality of beach bodies was such that my self esteem has been boosted 1000%. By the end of the vacation my friends had to pry the thong bikini swimsuit out of my hands because my level of delusion had reached epic proportions. Seriously, I looked AMAZING compared to those people. Even with the big bruise I had on my left thigh the size of my fist. I may have to post pictures here. That is, until I actually see the pictures, start sobbing, and retreat into hiding in my closet. We shall see.

A breakfast burrito sounds like heaven now.

Damnit.

Could y'all please find some handsome, wonderful, caring man to love me even if I stay 15 pounds overweight? That would be great.

Thank you.

It's like I never left

I'm not sure if what I had could be called a "Vacation."

Technically I was gone from work for a week. Technically I wasn't in the office, but, that didn't stop the barrage of phone calls and emails that I got. Or the three hour conference call I had to take on Sunday.

It also didn't help that my home town was on fucking FIRE and my parents were on standby evacuation. As it stands I personally know twenty families that lost their homes, I am just waiting to hear the final totals. I was so on edge for most of the trip that I couldn't relax the tension in my shoulders, they just ached.

The only real highlight was the glimses I got to catch of my blog. Thank you to my fabulous guest bloggers! They were brilliant, funny, and inventive. They went above and beyond the call of duty and everyone should go and visit each of their blogs personally to thank them. And read about them. Because it may be a little longer before I am able to get a real post out and we all know that they are way more talented anyway.

Take care people, don't be setting any fires for the next few days, okay?