Let's talk about something other than the sick, shall we?

And maybe even try to have a cohesive theme?

Next March I am an attendant in my Gay ex-boyfriend from high school's wedding (old Hollywood, very posh, I am one of only four attendants total which I guess is the word the gays use for multipurpose best man/maid of honor title).

My boyfriend just called and said friends of his are getting married in late August (nice notice on that one geniuses) and OMG can he run out and get fitted for a tux to be in the wedding? Yesterday? I'm all for a fast, easy wedding but they gave him a month's notice. At least my gay friend has the class to give me almost a year notice. Then again, my boyfriend doesn't have to lose weight to look good in a suit and I don't want to be a satin sausage next year so...was my gay friend insinuating that I'm fat? Damnit.

Last summer was the first summer in my adult life that I didn't attend a wedding or two or five or eleventy million. I wasn't upset or anything, just surprised. No bad food? No awkward relative small talk? No quiet judgment/horror at the heavily religious tones in a wedding of two people who planned on holding an orgy in Burning Man later that summer? No having to shell out big bucks for a silly gift the happy couple would never un-box (breadmaker? really? and who makes enough home-made icecream EVER to justify a $250.00 pricetag? No one drinks from crystal anymore people, get your stemware at the dollar store like the rest of us) that would someday be sold at a garage sale for a dollar, still in box, when they split up? Awesome.

My trusty favorite wedding attire didn't make it out of the closet last summer. Yes, I have worn the same dress to several weddings but in my defense none of the weddings were in the same town, with the same group of people, or even with the same date, so said dress racked up plenty of mileage. It is a fabulous dress, totally unexpected yet fun and flattering and always lands me compliments even though the base color is yellow and yellow is SO not my color.

It fills me with joy when something can be worn multiple times. I am still looking forward to the day when I can find use for my old high school dance dresses, well, the ones that I didn't recycle into Halloween costumes (that and I couldn't fit a thigh into my old size zero goods but let us pretend, shall we? Perhaps I fashion them into something tasteful for my niece? Since only a six year old will ever fit into my old twee attire?). Sadly my go to wedding attire extraordinaire cannot be worn to the upcoming wedding in August. Said wedding ensemble (I have to come up with ways to describe it other than wedding dress because though it is a dress I wear to weddings it is clearly not a wedding dress) was worn two summers ago at a wedding that included people that will be at this wedding and though I know all those retarded bastards were tripping out of their minds on booze and other substances hence it is doubtful anyone will remember my dress I still cannot wear something to the same kind of function with the same kind of people twice. (Luckily the caliber of people at this wedding are better than the caliber of people at that wedding. Oh lord. That wedding was AWFUL. It permanently took a chunk out of my trust and faith in humanity.). Which means...shopping.

Jebus I hate the shopping.

Jebus I hate the shopping when I'm 40 pounds overweight. (60 pounds over what I weighed in highschool. GD double chin you are the bain of my existence).

Jebus I hate spending money on anything I'm not guaranteed I can wear again.

Jebus Jebus Jebus.

And lo though I am gaining on 30 and my boyfriend is right behind me and the betrothed for August are keeping pace as well my boyfriend has decided that tickets to the ultimate Metal show (testament, slayer, etc.) are the perfect gift for the happy couple. Even though the bride hates metal. Though, at least it isn't flatware or some other crap they'll never use.

So what is appropriate wedding wear for a summer wedding in a climate where it will be easily 100 degrees? Because maybe if I just sew all my old highschool dance dresses together it'll be big enough to wrap around me...

Hah! I didn't mention being STILL sick even once. Though I think it shows in my work. I am clearly a better writer than this, but you get the gist of things, and we can just pretend I had a cohesive ending.

How many posts do I have with the title Allo? Can I just do it again? Allo.

Officially I have been sick since BEFORE memorial day and into the 4th of July. My illness has now spanned the only two three day weekends I get off for summer and to say that I am pissed, worried, exhausted, and more would be an understatement.

I am better. I can make it to to work, nap in my car at lunch, and make it home. I can't clean or shop or stay up past 7PM or anything crazy like all that, but I am better than I was before. I am miserable now because my body is wrecked. I'm exhausted and severely fatigued and getting better so slowly, so imperceptably, I fear it will be months before I've fully recovered. I don't know how to speed things along, if there were a way to do it, so I just lay in bed feeling my body turn to mush and cursing the broken garbage disposal that makes my apartment reek regardless of gallons of bleach and baking soda and vinegar poured down there yet mildly thankful that, hell, at least I can finally SMELL again.

And I have this to say: WTF? What the hell did I pick up? Why did I pick it up? Where did I pick it up from? Why does my immune system function like the baby bird that falls out of the nest and slowly hobbles about with broken wings until it dies alone or is eaten on the forrest floor? Why does something as innocuous as a cold lead to total immobility and crippling illness? Do I have to wear a SARS mask the rest of my life just so I can get around? Why do I have the compromised immune system of an 80 year old AIDS patient?

Gah. Enough. I cannot dwell on these things. I have to rally my strength and my focus on the daily grind of making it to work and grocery shopping on the weekend and pray that each day I'm a bit better. Better enough to do laundry. The next day perhaps better enough to blow dry my hair. Hope the next day I'm better enough to get up and start walking again, start being mobile again, but so afraid I'll relapse. I'm still carrying some lingering viral infection of hell and the meds wrecked my body so I'm in a super weakened state; even if my mind wants to get up and do things my body doesn't.

Totally unrelated: Does anyone genunely believe this thing between Katy Perry and Russell Brand is going to work out? And can anyone explain to me why I know who they both are even though I don't listen to her music and I've never seen his comedy?

Happy Fourth of July my fellow Americans. And for my friends out there who aren't of US origin happy summer! Please go out and hike or go the beach for me and send me psychic waves of outdoorsy summer joy. And an immune system, I'd really like one of those too.

Still Sick: Starting on month TWO

Seriously.

I've been sick OVER A FREAKING MONTH now.

I'm dragging myself to work because I'm totally out of time even though the doc told me to stay home until July 01. And I'm training a new person at work. Because I kicked puppies in a previous life.

And I haven't lost one goddamn pound. NOT ONE.

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People are RETARDED

And the internet just encourages them. I'm googling NyQuil and I come across this: "can you take NyQuil on heroin?". Really?

REALLY?

You have a cold and heroin just ain't cutting it?

Or is heroin just not providing the high you'd hoped for so you're gonna freebase NyQuil?

Jebus fucktards. When is natural selection gonna kick in already? Or has it? What if evolution is actually working BACKWARD to wipe our retarded race out? Because really? If you're on HEROIN the least of your worries is weather it is SAFE to take NyQuil with it.

REALLY?

Still Sick: The Sickening Continues

Dragged myself to work yesterday despite exhaustion. By the time I got home my temperature had gone up again. Went straight to bed at 6 in the afternoon. Got up today to go to work, showered, dressed, put on makeup and did my hair, sat down to put on my shoes, took my temperature and it was 100.5. Had to call in. Again. I'm totally out of sick time. I'm totally screwed. And after 3 doc visits I don't know what is wrong. Antibiotics killed the ear infections and the sinus infection but it appears I'm stuck with a wicked viral infection that will not die.

This really, really, really sucks.

Still. Sick.

Help. Me.

Having reached the end of my rope and being too damned sick to make a cute reference about hanging myself with it or something I have this to say: When I am better I will find a new primary care doctor so help me Gob even if I only see them once before I hypothetically move. WebMD is surprisingly useful and instead of scaring me (like the internet did when I googled sinus infections that never die and sweet jebus the things that came up) it gave me great information and hope. Hope as in: I probably have acute sinusitis which will likely last another couple of weeks and there are treatments (ever hear of nasal irrigation? No? Don't watch the tutorial) that may help, you know, once I have the strength to attempt them.

After two weeks of this, using up all my sick time at work and now I'm using up my precious little vacation time, it was nice of WebMD to at least give me an idea that there is possibly and end in sight. In another 2-3 weeks. Which, FINE, F it, ruin my summer see if I care.

The antibiotics have cleared up the ear infections, mostly, so that is good. Nasal steroids are fucking evil and made me worse, so look for me to post pictures of their untimely death in fire when I get well.

In between med doses I've been surfing the net and there are damn pictures for the new Kutcher/Heigl movie "Killers" freaking everywhere. Now, I love me some Go Fug Yourself amongst other gossip sites but I am sorely disappointed that not one, ONE, place has mentioned the ghastliness of Katherine's hair in the movie:



The movie looks awful. But her hair? WTF? It's like a bad, never-married, older aunt hair cut from the 70s. Who the hell decided that was the look to give their leading lady? Clearly I am not a gossip columnist nor a qualified internet judge of such things with my own spiffy website but something is wrong people. Something is UP. I think the makers of this wretched movie paid the interwebs off so that no one would make fun of Heigl's hair. I can ignore the bad photo shop, the doofy dress, the awful movie premise, and even my concern that Hollywood apparently thinks movie goers are drooling idiots since they can hardly manage to throw us a decent bone every once in awhile but THE HAIR IS UNACCEPTABLE. Google around for more photos of it, I can't take anymore.

There. I've gotten it out there. Now maybe the universe will reward my good deed (hopefully saving hundreds of clueless women from trying to emulate said hairstyle) AND MAKE ME BETTER ALREADY. I'm not equipped for a life as a shut in. I don't even have cable TV and I don't hoard stuff.

I can't have booze on these meds, so, how safe is it to mix my old prescription pain meds and muscle relaxers with NyQuil? Anyone? I just want to sleep the rest of this away...

j/k of course. I know NyQuil has alcohol in it. When I'm better I wholly intend to mix a bottle with champagne and guzzle it, but until then, I'm up a creek.

At least my hair isn't retarded.

I've been sick for days upon days now ***now with less crazy update

And it really isn't doing anything for my mental well being.

I'm out of sick time at work.

I still had to call in today. AGAIN.

I fucking hate hate hate hate the stupid jackass motherfucker piece of crap asshole doctor creep I had to drag myself to see at urgent care yesterday SO MUCH that I'm writing a goddamn letter to urgent care, and emailing them, and calling their customer service. BULAJDFKLJALIEWUFJLEKDHFLKAJLTFIEJL Ahem. Still ANGRY.

It doesn't help that I've felt like hell for much over a week and see no end in sight and lost the memorial day three day weekend to being bed ridden. It really, really isn't helping my mood any. Sorry. I need to vent a bit and don't know how to get all the crap out without bumming the mood out, ya know?

I called my primary care doc who couldn't freaking see me for at least a week, necessitating the trip to urgent care which cost money I didn't have for NOTHING, begging her to please for the love of god just call in some goddamn antibiotics to my pharmacy already, I'm dying here. I really shouldn't take antibiotics since I'm allergic to most of them and there are a select few left I can take but I literally can't afford, both financially and mentally, to be sick any longer.

I updated the side bar, removed links to blogs that straight up disappeared (Chollyson? You okay out there?) and bloggers who totally stopped updating even longer than I have (CEO, SexedHigherED, people I miss). So the new sidebar at least has active links to blogs I read and love. If you know of any good ones pass them my way.

Was getting spam comments had to turn on comment moderation.

That is the last of my productive energy. If I keep typing it will just be more FUCKFUCKGODDAMNFUCKHATEAUGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHG and we don't need that.

No news on moving yet. No idea. I don't know. Make the sick stop please.




***Things that help when you are on the verge of mental collapse: crying your eyes out in your hallway, thus exacerbating your sinus infection but also clearing you out just enough to call the fucktards at Urgent Care, ripping them new ones (seriously, didn't know I had that in me), demanding the right meds, leaving an angry message with your flake of a primary care doc, dragging your disgusting un-showered self to the pharmacy (I haven't been able to smell for 11ish days but I'm sure I didn't smell great), grabbing new semi dangerous antibiotics and super steroids, drag self home, pound meds, pass out. Far less crazy now. Fingers crossed that this works and I'm at least able to make it to work Thursday and Friday.

Also, note to self, figure out how to harbor the awesome angry yet rational skills that I demonstrated on phone today for future use.

Cheers.