Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The scale says one thing, but my pants say another: You have a long way to go sweetcakes

I am quite proud of my emergency weight loss skills. I’ve gone from XX8 down to XX2.8 in under two weeks, which, great! I’ve almost undone the damage I did while eating my way through my recent life obstacles (or opportunities as self help books would tell me to call them). This is all fine and dandy except:

I effectively wasted a whole month. I was supposed to be eight pounds less that I am now, starting on April 1.
Which makes the next two months that much harder.
I’m not losing weight by starving myself but I’m also not eating the way I would if I weren’t dieting which means:
I’m dieting
And I swore that I wouldn’t do this dieting stuff again
I justified dieting by deciding that I needed to undo the eating damage I did by justifying my emotional eating spree
The whole point of losing weight this time was learning to lead a healthy, active, non-restrictive lifestyle
Yet here I am, yo-yoing again
Bah

Well. I cannot beat myself up. I just can’t. I can’t undo the past. I can, however, get myself to XX0 and start back in on trying to do this weight loss the mature way. Right now I’m eating a yogurt, 13 almonds, an apple, raw veggies, a salad with lean protein, an orange and a super light dinner everyday, amounting to about 1400 calories. For a person of my size this is apparently what I can expect to eat and “maintain” my weight. Damn being short, I bet tall girls get to eat pizza more often. I also bet ten pounds on a tall girl doesn’t size her out of her whole wardrobe, but, fine. Short it is.

I am eating healthfully, I’m not starving myself (yet I feel hungry, damn stupid addiction to sugar and fat) but this isn’t something I’m going to be able to stick to for the rest of my life. Unless someone zaps the part of my brain that finds food delightful I’m not going to be able to eat a salad everyday for lunch until I die. My arteries are calling out for trans fat, I know, they are gluttons like that and don’t know what is good for them but still. My arteries should be begging me for more raw broccoli, not alfredo dipping sauce.

I’m doing a workout video about every three days and walking every day that I don’t do the video. This is because of my neck injury, I have to take getting in shape very, painstakingly, obnoxiously slow. Which might be a good thing. I get so obsessive about the weight that I probably would have tried working out 8 hours a day, hurt myself, and set myself back even further. The neck injury is keeping me from being an idiot.

I still need to lose 25 pounds by mid June. Send skinny thoughts my way.

3 comments:

The CEO said...

You have all my skinny thoughts. I do hope you don't become obsessive, because you have so many other things on your plate. Stay positive, you can make it all happen.

HollowSquirrel said...

Sending skinny and healthy thoughts your way. I think the desire for trans fats/sugars will pass if you stay away from them for a few days. I agree with the CEO -- don't be too hard on yourself -- look at all the good things you're eating and how you're exercising. :) Slow and steady, chica! You can do it!

sallyacious said...

Actually, on this tall girl, 10 lbs is a dress size, so yes, it can size me right out of my clothes.

The CEO and Mrs. Squirrel are both right, take it one day at a time. And cut yourself some slack. If you've had issues with food before, you really can't expect that these things aren't going to surface when you're facing the stuff going on in your life right now. You've not really had a lot of time to assimilate these new attitudes, and so when huge changes happen, you'll be drawn to fall back on your old "coping" methods.

But you're aware now and have better tools, and that's key. So you slipped. Now you can apply the new things you've learned.