Sunday, March 15, 2009

Jobless and Homeless? Time to meet the Boyfriend's Parents!

Because nothing ever happens as an isolated incident, ya know?

Tonight at 6PM my time I am wandering into a non-offensive American chain restaurant that likely has license plates and saddles nailed to the walls to sit down and meet the boy's parents. In the last week I've eaten my way out of every pair of pants I own, my skin looks like I wash my face with Crisco and I'm sporting a very sexy double chin. On top of that nothing says catch like "meet my sweet adorable jobless, homeless, prospect-less girlfriend. I swear she doesn't wear clothing fashioned from what appears to be bedsheets, this is just a one time deal, I hope..."


Better yet my massively dysfunctional and totally inept parents may meet the boy tomorrow. I say may because though the dinner time is set, reservations have been made, and everyone says they will be there, there is a 10% chance my parents will show. My mother in particular is not good at things like "leaving the house" or "showing up" or "not staying up all night drinking and pounding xanax with ambien and living in her own damn imaginary world where everyone and everything is out to get her even though she's never done a damn thing in her whole life".

My parents live elsewhere but were planning on coming here to see some other relatives of ours that will be in the area. It will be like a mini family reunion provided that my mother actually shows up. I don't doubt that my dad will make it down here, but even if my mom does the drama surrounding the trip will probably leave her unable to make it to dinner to meet the boy even though every time I talk to her she demands to know if I hate her because I won't "let" her meet the boy. This is twofold: I'd "let" her meet the boy anytime she ACTUALLY LEFT THE GD HOUSE, however, that never happens, and she is a crazy manipulative narcissistic borderline with manic depression, bipolar and and other slew of fun issues so really? Maybe it is good that she never leaves the house because I'm not sure the boy will know what to do with her. I've lived away from her for nearly a decade and have had therapy for half as long and I still don't know what to do with her.

So pretending like my parents will show that means today I'm meeting the boy's family and tomorrow he is meeting mine. And I have to wonder; how did this go for you?

We're not college or even high school kids anymore, we're full fledged adults, so meeting the parents doesn't just happen when you swing by to pick up your date one night. I don't know what this is like for "regular" people with "regular" families (I know you hate the quotes now, sorry) so I don't know if I should consider meeting his family a big deal or not. The boy is entirely not useful in this area; he is a BOY. He has a boy brain. He does not think about the meaning of things, he does not read into things. He does not wonder if by my bringing him to meet my gene pool I am attempting to take the relationship to the next level. Hence I am going to do the same; since the impression I get from him is that this is no big deal, even though normally it is like a big relationship milestone, I am going to treat it as such. That doesn't mean I'm not going to spend the next three hours desperately trying to wedge myself into a girdle and weeping into a pile of clothes that don't fit, it just means I'm going to treat it with the same non-reverence as him.

So, most of you are married, or have been, or are in relationships. What was meeting the parents like for you? I've met the parents of boyfriends before but I was younger so it didn't seem like such a potentially big deal. Plus I wasn't all in love and sprung over those boyfriends.

What do you think? How did it go? And would you be worried if your son's date showed up wearing pajama pants and a parka (as these are the only items that fit right now)?


sallyacious said...

Dave & I met each other's parents a DECADE before we were a couple. Which sort of took the edge off it when we met up again. In fact, I don't remember re-introducing him to my parents. I must have, I just don't remember it. I was too keen on getting into his car and away from their house where I was living because at 28 I had no job and no home and had to move back in with them.

When I re-met Dave's parents, I also met all of his brothers for the first time and we were already engaged. My memories of that? His eldest brother staring keenly at me at the airport like I wasn't what he expected. His dad driving like a crazy person and scaring the piss out of me on the freeway by tailgating people at 70mph. Dave's eldest brother & I getting caught in a laughing feedback loop over a double entendre that resulted in us being asked to leave the room so everyone else could finish Thanksgiving dinner. This is what I remember about meeting his family.

I'm sorry I can't be more help.

The CEO said...

Don't ask, because we thought it went well. My mother called at 6 am the next morning and read me the riot act about what assholes my future in-laws were. They all met when we got engaged. Both families were 'normal'. I loath families. My wife's family gave us a maximum of two years. We have outlasted both sets of parenets and are the only ones with a marriage among both sets of brothers and sisters. Fuck 'em all, those 'normal' ones. Not that I have an opinion, naturally.

Beef said...

I’m never in a relationship long enough to meet the parents, though I did come close once.

I was sitting at my girlfriend’s house (who I had been with for about two months), watching some desperately shit reality show with her (that I pretended to enjoy to keep her happy), when her mother dropped by to borrow some kitchen utensils (or some shit).

The girl and the mother chatted in the kitchen for about 15 minutes, then the mother left, and the girl joined me back on the couch.

I was not introduced to the mother, Christ I didn’t even see her.

Man I felt special.