All I need is a pocket protector and I'm set.
In pursuit of attempting to cobble this semi broken and usually complaining thing I call a body together while running its regular maintenance, I noticed that my front teeth had shifted ever so slightly in the 17 years since I've had braces. I have a permanent metal bar cemented to the inside of my bottom teeth which keeps them from crowding or trying to make a break for it, but the top teeth have only had the benefit of a nighttime retainer to hold them in place and my most recent retainer died quite some time ago. Time to find a new orthodontist.
Now, before I tell you about the retainer I need to remind you of several things. I have tenosinvitis in both arms that flares up if I am not careful with my computer use and requires that I wear two large black wrist guards. The guards start mid-forearm and end below my knuckles. If it is winter I can hide them well enough in sleeves but during any other season I get many questions and looks. I've grown accustomed to this. If I can handle driving and sleeping in them I don't care about work, I'm already a computer technician, people expect us to look odd, yes?
I wear glasses to see close. 75% of my work is up close. I chose thick square frame tortoise shell glasses because, why not?
I wear a regular plastic badge for work which I loop pens and an unbent paperclip (great tech tool) on.
I'm very, very overweight right now so the few pairs of pants that I can still barely button fit me high-water style, which I stubbornly refused to believe until I saw my full reflection across a courtyard in the windows and realized that it isn't just noticeable; it's bad.
My skin has never quite liked me and shows this by frequently turning out "blind" blemishes, rather, those large, deep, painful cysts that last for weeks, along with the blackheads I'm still trying to control (more on my progress in another post) and various smaller deals that pop up and hang around for a day or two. I am by no means acne bound and still get compliments on my skin occasionally, which I think is because I'm pale like a porcelain doll and this is very noticeable when you have a huge, painful, red knob growing between your eyebrows. My skin is also so oily that by 8AM I can soak a piece of paper clear. Blemishes and oil and wrinkles? Oh yes.
My hair is almost always pulled back in some kind of bun which I stick pens in. I can never carry enough pens, and besides, my hands are for carrying random bits of electronics and my good screwdriver.
So, as if being clad in high water pants, glasses, a bun, a badge covered in pens, hair adorned with pens, and wrist braces all day at work weren't already sexy enough I went and decided to get a new retainer to add into the mix. The retainer is of the clear plastic variety and makes me spit when I talk and gives me an awesome lisp. Since some teeth need to be gently nudged back in place I get to wear this thing all day, every day, for 8 weeks, except for when I eat or drink.
It is odd how certain things humiliate me or make me fear people will notice me whereas others don't even phase me. I usually give the above items little passing thought except when I add something new in the mix, like the retainer. I'd currently put my appearance somewhere just above Quasimodo, save for the stiffness in my neck and shoulders which limits my movement, but far far below that of, say, a supermodel. Or a regular model. Or even someone who owns clothes that fit. I'm shy one pocket protector from being the nerdiest mess in this hemisphere.
On the bright side, maybe, I can't chew my cuticles at all with the retainer in (I'd cut back 90% but some still sneaks in) and my teeth and jaw promise to ache for weeks, so I'll be on a liquid diet. Maybe I'll lose some weight and my nails will look even better! I hope.
Just hope nothing else needs upkeep in the meantime. I'm already quite a sight.
quick mention if you care:
My neck and shoulder are very yucky, always with the pain, so excuse major misspellings and typos for the time being. I am going to therapeutic massage after the trigger point injections healed and it is helping but JEBUS I am SORE. My original neck injury from years ago is apparently a mass of scar tissue and the new neck injury is made worse by the fact that my shoulder injury is far more extensive than they realized. In between regular doctor, physiatrist, chiropractor, light physical therapy, and now massage therapy I also have an at home electric muscle stim (look it up) thing I have to use and major pain meds and I still wake up every morning feeling like a football team used my neck and back for field practice.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Ouchie
Trigger point injections are apparently this thing where they numb the area where your muscles won't stop spasming/knotting up (for me this is my neck and shoulder) and then jab big nasty needles in and inject some substance (it begins with a C, I think, but the pain of the procedure stopped my brain from recording this to memory) into the muscles to break them up and make them relax.
I had this done Tuesday.
It hurt.
When the numbness wore off it HURT.
Wednesday I felt like I'd had, no exaggeration, 30 flu shots in my neck and shoulder. The pain was amusing in that I couldn't believe that it possibly could hurt that much, and every 30 seconds or so it was as though my brain were rediscovering said pain and being utterly and totally surprised. Brain: "WOW! Where did that come from?" Me: "The hands of something truly evil, I believe" Brain: "Unbelievable! I'm laughing at the agony! This is hilarious in its intensity" Me: "I know". And so on. All day long.
Today the pain is far less shockingly entertaining, more dull throbbing ache that makes moving my head all but agonizing. I had this done because I'm still not healing from the fun fall I took at work in early December. I suspect that it actually doesn't help with the original problem. Rather, it causes a new pain so awful that once the new pain dies down you are happy to only have to suffer the old pain. We shall see. In the meantime I'm mostly out of commission, the old pain was nasty and the new pain is retched and I'm fairly crippled and hurty. I fear the permanent scowl my face wears will up my need for botox by several years. Hence the lack of blogging, typing, sitting, breathing, most anything is painful and when things are painful suddenly my motivation to do them, however much I like them, drops exponentially. Hopefully I'll be in less pain soon, and able to blog more actively. Until then send opiate based thoughts my way.
Ciao.
I had this done Tuesday.
It hurt.
When the numbness wore off it HURT.
Wednesday I felt like I'd had, no exaggeration, 30 flu shots in my neck and shoulder. The pain was amusing in that I couldn't believe that it possibly could hurt that much, and every 30 seconds or so it was as though my brain were rediscovering said pain and being utterly and totally surprised. Brain: "WOW! Where did that come from?" Me: "The hands of something truly evil, I believe" Brain: "Unbelievable! I'm laughing at the agony! This is hilarious in its intensity" Me: "I know". And so on. All day long.
Today the pain is far less shockingly entertaining, more dull throbbing ache that makes moving my head all but agonizing. I had this done because I'm still not healing from the fun fall I took at work in early December. I suspect that it actually doesn't help with the original problem. Rather, it causes a new pain so awful that once the new pain dies down you are happy to only have to suffer the old pain. We shall see. In the meantime I'm mostly out of commission, the old pain was nasty and the new pain is retched and I'm fairly crippled and hurty. I fear the permanent scowl my face wears will up my need for botox by several years. Hence the lack of blogging, typing, sitting, breathing, most anything is painful and when things are painful suddenly my motivation to do them, however much I like them, drops exponentially. Hopefully I'll be in less pain soon, and able to blog more actively. Until then send opiate based thoughts my way.
Ciao.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Foreclosed Again, Naturally
Last year the owner of the condo I rented for 5 years got foreclosed on. I was a model tenant, I never once paid my rent late, I kept the unit in immaculate condition and that place was cleaner the day I moved out then the day I moved in. (For those of you who have been for me for awhile you know that cleanliness took me awhile to master, I learned that mold grows in cups of water left for days as well as loads of clean laundry forgotten in washing machines. I have since learned much.)
You can read about it in April 2009 (links on the right).
I’d been handed a pink slip at work (which was later rescinded), I am perpetually broke thanks to student loans and medical debt, and things were looking grim when luck struck and the condo next door to me opened up. It is exactly the same, just a backwards or mirror image of my original one. Better yet it has new paint, carpets, linoleum, and appliances PLUS the rent is cheaper.
I struggled with the decision to take it because I was really, really ready for a change in my life and wanted something with more light and maybe a backyard but my finances wouldn’t allow for such a thing and really, how easy is it to move next door? To the same place, just mirror image? I just put everything as it was and it only took a day. I did eventually reverse the living room because coming home to my bassakwards apartment confuses the dickens out of me daily. Imagine living in your home for five years. Now imagine flipping it exactly reversed and coming home to that one day. It really messes with your relative sense of calm.
Another bonus to taking this condo was that the owners live only a few hours away, so they are real, and I was told that I need not worry about foreclosure because they owned the condo outright. Yay! Security!
Yay! Lies! You know where this is going. You know what my luck is.
That day before New Years Eve I came home to default notices totally papering the entire door. The people who posted them had mangled my Christmas wreathe a bit and one of the pinecones was laying all sad on the floor. I just stood there and laughed.
And laughed.
And laughed.
Then called my boyfriend.
And my regular friends.
And one friend took me to a “Congratulations you’re being forcefully evicted due to no fault of your own in less than a year!” dinner where I got good and plowed on a work night.
Luckily this time I am far more prepared for this process having had ample experience and unlike last time I don’t have a pink slip in hand. There is even a good chance that my job will hold until June, and, unlike last time, I get a whole 60 days to figure out where to go since they aren’t in full foreclosure yet, just default. Wooo! I totally have this handled.
I do find it amusing that this is time number two, in under a year, on a condo that was supposedly owned outright, that I’m being rendered homeless, and I’m really not upset. My married friends came home to straight orange eviction notices in October on their condo due to the owner going into foreclosure and they had an 11 month old and 24 hours to vacate. My situation is hardly like that. (The friends wound up taking a place in the same complex just upstairs, much like I did, because it was close and seriously? 24 hours? With a BABY? JEBUS).
If I continue to rent condos owned by individuals I continue to run this risk. I’ve done the major apartment complex thing and I don’t want to do it again. Part of the reason I’ve stayed put so long is that I’m in a great location, I’m near a lovely “lake” (pond) where I can take walks if the drug dealers aren’t out in full force, I have enclosed underground parking, and a washer and dryer in my unit. It I move to an apartment complex I get a slew of lousy neighbors, an exposed parking space, and no walking trails or nice central locations.
I can’t afford to rent a house. I will not live with a room mate ever, ever again. I can’t afford to buy a house. The boyfriend has offered to move in together but unless that is like, the absolute only option, I won’t do it: I don’t want to live together before I’m married. I know, I know, spending every other night together is practically living together etc. but my reasoning is a topic for a whole ‘nother blog post entirely.
So, I’ve got to figure this out. At least this time I’ve got 60 days to figure it out. And on the bright side, if I do come home to straight orange eviction notices, there is some law that says I get 1500 bucks to move. My married couple friends got it and my current leasing agent mentioned it. So if I do have to scramble to move for some reason I’ll have the funding to do it, though I don’t see that happening because I know that foreclosure will start March 1(unless the owners pull it out of default, which won’t happen) and I have plenty of time to find a nice van and a space down by the river before then.
How is your new year shaping up?
You can read about it in April 2009 (links on the right).
I’d been handed a pink slip at work (which was later rescinded), I am perpetually broke thanks to student loans and medical debt, and things were looking grim when luck struck and the condo next door to me opened up. It is exactly the same, just a backwards or mirror image of my original one. Better yet it has new paint, carpets, linoleum, and appliances PLUS the rent is cheaper.
I struggled with the decision to take it because I was really, really ready for a change in my life and wanted something with more light and maybe a backyard but my finances wouldn’t allow for such a thing and really, how easy is it to move next door? To the same place, just mirror image? I just put everything as it was and it only took a day. I did eventually reverse the living room because coming home to my bassakwards apartment confuses the dickens out of me daily. Imagine living in your home for five years. Now imagine flipping it exactly reversed and coming home to that one day. It really messes with your relative sense of calm.
Another bonus to taking this condo was that the owners live only a few hours away, so they are real, and I was told that I need not worry about foreclosure because they owned the condo outright. Yay! Security!
Yay! Lies! You know where this is going. You know what my luck is.
That day before New Years Eve I came home to default notices totally papering the entire door. The people who posted them had mangled my Christmas wreathe a bit and one of the pinecones was laying all sad on the floor. I just stood there and laughed.
And laughed.
And laughed.
Then called my boyfriend.
And my regular friends.
And one friend took me to a “Congratulations you’re being forcefully evicted due to no fault of your own in less than a year!” dinner where I got good and plowed on a work night.
Luckily this time I am far more prepared for this process having had ample experience and unlike last time I don’t have a pink slip in hand. There is even a good chance that my job will hold until June, and, unlike last time, I get a whole 60 days to figure out where to go since they aren’t in full foreclosure yet, just default. Wooo! I totally have this handled.
I do find it amusing that this is time number two, in under a year, on a condo that was supposedly owned outright, that I’m being rendered homeless, and I’m really not upset. My married friends came home to straight orange eviction notices in October on their condo due to the owner going into foreclosure and they had an 11 month old and 24 hours to vacate. My situation is hardly like that. (The friends wound up taking a place in the same complex just upstairs, much like I did, because it was close and seriously? 24 hours? With a BABY? JEBUS).
If I continue to rent condos owned by individuals I continue to run this risk. I’ve done the major apartment complex thing and I don’t want to do it again. Part of the reason I’ve stayed put so long is that I’m in a great location, I’m near a lovely “lake” (pond) where I can take walks if the drug dealers aren’t out in full force, I have enclosed underground parking, and a washer and dryer in my unit. It I move to an apartment complex I get a slew of lousy neighbors, an exposed parking space, and no walking trails or nice central locations.
I can’t afford to rent a house. I will not live with a room mate ever, ever again. I can’t afford to buy a house. The boyfriend has offered to move in together but unless that is like, the absolute only option, I won’t do it: I don’t want to live together before I’m married. I know, I know, spending every other night together is practically living together etc. but my reasoning is a topic for a whole ‘nother blog post entirely.
So, I’ve got to figure this out. At least this time I’ve got 60 days to figure it out. And on the bright side, if I do come home to straight orange eviction notices, there is some law that says I get 1500 bucks to move. My married couple friends got it and my current leasing agent mentioned it. So if I do have to scramble to move for some reason I’ll have the funding to do it, though I don’t see that happening because I know that foreclosure will start March 1(unless the owners pull it out of default, which won’t happen) and I have plenty of time to find a nice van and a space down by the river before then.
How is your new year shaping up?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Part Eight: Er, Conclusion
Part eight, er, conclusion to my seven part series: “Things I’ve Learned About Hosting a Holiday Get Together”.
There you have it, holiday hosting tips that I hope will help you with your next gathering. If you do have one please invite me, I promise to actually show up on time (6 means 7!) bring whatever dish I said I would, dress well, and not set anything on fire. I won’t even go through your medicine cabinet because really? Who cares? I just want to be invited someplace where I don’t have to do all the work.
Or, alternatively, can someone reccomend a city I can move to where the people aren't idiots? Because I am so ready.
There you have it, holiday hosting tips that I hope will help you with your next gathering. If you do have one please invite me, I promise to actually show up on time (6 means 7!) bring whatever dish I said I would, dress well, and not set anything on fire. I won’t even go through your medicine cabinet because really? Who cares? I just want to be invited someplace where I don’t have to do all the work.
Or, alternatively, can someone reccomend a city I can move to where the people aren't idiots? Because I am so ready.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Part Seven: Invitations
Part seven in my seven part series: “Things I’ve Learned About Hosting a Holiday Get Together”.
Invitations:
People stopped responding to paper invitations ages ago. They also don’t read emails, evites, text messages, or actively listen when you talk to them in person or on the phone. If, for some totally incomprehensible reason, you decide you want to host guests in your home, then you are practically forced to stalk them outside their homes, tranq ‘em, tag ‘em, and drag ‘em in yourself.
Setting a specific RSVP date does not matter. See Guests.
The only bit I can offer is this: If someone sees fit to invite you to something, for the sake of all that is holy RSVP you bastard! It doesn’t matter yes or no, just do it! And then follow up your answer!
If you say no don’t go!
If you say yes then make every effort and actually go!
Be polite!
Bring back common social courtesy!
Be the change you want to see in people!
Don’t be an ass and certainly don’t ask if you can bring strangers that the party host does not know!
Jebus.
Invitations:
People stopped responding to paper invitations ages ago. They also don’t read emails, evites, text messages, or actively listen when you talk to them in person or on the phone. If, for some totally incomprehensible reason, you decide you want to host guests in your home, then you are practically forced to stalk them outside their homes, tranq ‘em, tag ‘em, and drag ‘em in yourself.
Setting a specific RSVP date does not matter. See Guests.
The only bit I can offer is this: If someone sees fit to invite you to something, for the sake of all that is holy RSVP you bastard! It doesn’t matter yes or no, just do it! And then follow up your answer!
If you say no don’t go!
If you say yes then make every effort and actually go!
Be polite!
Bring back common social courtesy!
Be the change you want to see in people!
Don’t be an ass and certainly don’t ask if you can bring strangers that the party host does not know!
Jebus.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Part Six: Smoking
Before we get to the business of part six I would like to take a moment to do some housekeeping and address the very thoughtful comments I have been getting: THANK YOU! I was starting to worry that perhaps it was just me and I can't throw a decent party to save my life but now I know, somewhere, someplace, people are having successful and joyous get togethers that don't involve inconsiderate guests. Which brings me to my next point: Clearly I need to find new friends. Sigh. The story of my life.
Part six in my seven part series: “Things I’ve Learned About Hosting a Holiday Get Together”.
Smoking:
Assume ahead of time that some people smoke cigarettes. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known these people your whole life, you will be surprised. Remind them to take it outside. If you’re feeling extra festive, dye some kitty litter red and green and pour it into a cheap (non-flammable) bowl so that you don’t get to clean empty beer containers filled with butts off of your deck or lawn. Bonus for not having guests put out cigarettes on your siding or other available surfaces.
This is the shortest bit of advice I’ve picked up, and probably some of the best. I’ve never heard Martha Stewart mention this, but then again, that woman is a powerhouse and probably has an entire book dedicated to kilning your own natural clay ashtrays which are festively and intricately hand gold leafed, and how to grow heirloom tobacco that she then rolls in home pressed paper rendered from Egyptian papyrus.
Part six in my seven part series: “Things I’ve Learned About Hosting a Holiday Get Together”.
Smoking:
Assume ahead of time that some people smoke cigarettes. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known these people your whole life, you will be surprised. Remind them to take it outside. If you’re feeling extra festive, dye some kitty litter red and green and pour it into a cheap (non-flammable) bowl so that you don’t get to clean empty beer containers filled with butts off of your deck or lawn. Bonus for not having guests put out cigarettes on your siding or other available surfaces.
This is the shortest bit of advice I’ve picked up, and probably some of the best. I’ve never heard Martha Stewart mention this, but then again, that woman is a powerhouse and probably has an entire book dedicated to kilning your own natural clay ashtrays which are festively and intricately hand gold leafed, and how to grow heirloom tobacco that she then rolls in home pressed paper rendered from Egyptian papyrus.
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