My cat ate carpet.
She got sick and when I went to clean her up
there was, how to put this delicately...a damned eight inch piece of
carpet that I had to gently pull from her bum which resulted in even
more sick getting everywhere. Sorry, that is as polite as I can put it.
I'm relieved that my poor baby is okay, but scared because WHAT THE
HELL CAT? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF? What if the carpet had
wound itself around her intestines? What if she had choked? What if
she is eating more damn carpet RIGHT NOW? WHAT WHAT WHAT?
I cleaned up the area where she had clearly been tearing up the
carpet then covered the whole thing with duct tape AND sprayed it with
no chew spray AND put a motion detector that makes a noise and sprays
air if she goes near it to keep her from tearing at that patch of carpet
which she seems to have suddenly developed an interest in; an interest
so intense you would think she saw someone bury gold bouillon and cans
of tuna under there.
I also went around my whole entire condo and trimmed any bits of
carpet that were poking up and taped up any edges that could be torn
up. But that doesn't comfort me much, I mean, WHAT THE HELL CAT? I
have, no joke, like 15 cat books. Cats for Idiots. Cats for Dummies.
Cats for slightly OCD adults who have never successfully cared for an
animal before. Amazon is pretty convinced I'm an animal hoarder shut-in
that likes to read about Feline Infectious Peritonitis. And I will
tell you this, for all those 15 books that I read from cover to cover
NONE OF THEM covered what to do when your stupid cat decides to do
things like ingest carpet. Or lick shampoo. Or try to eat tile
cleaner. Or tries to stick their paw in BOILING WATER.
I have books for Cats That Are Trouble Cats. Cats That Scratch. I
wish I had a book for Cats That Play With Matches and Aerosol
Hairspray. But none of these books address things like: What to do when
your cat still won't stay off the damn counters or stove after a full
year of training, What to do when your cat tries to eat an entire scarf,
What do do when your cat ignores the SEVEN different styles and types
of scratching posts you got for them and still tries to destroy
Grandma's antique chair. All the books stress consistency. I have been
consistent. All the books suggest re-routing the cat's attention. I
re-route. I have finally had to get training devices, like plastic mats
covered in plastic spikes to cover the stove when it is not in use, two
sided sticky tape which my cat just pulls off with her teeth, anti chew
spray which I suspect my cat drinks in a martini glass while I am out
of the house and motion detectors that spray air and make noise but only
worked to scare her for about a week. My cat is alternately the
smartest animal in the world or possibly the dumbest f'n being to have
ever lived.
I have three cat trees up. I have cat shelves over the couch.
There are SEVEN, did I mention SEVEN scratching post type options. I
have a floor to ceiling cat tent thing up. I put out mini cat tents and
cat tunnels for her, which she just shreds to pieces but at least she is
entertained. I own Every. Single. Cat. Toy. Ever. Made. and I rotate
them on a weekly basis so they're always "new". She has puzzle toys
filled with treats. I play with her every night. I put up cat napping
beds in every window. She has cardboard boxes and paper bags to play
in. She has everything. Never has a cat been so spoiled. Wait, not
true: she is second in the spoiling department only to Karl Lagerfeld's cat. (Damn I want TWO maids!)
I'm at my wit's end, I don't know what to do. She has to be an
indoor cat, her immune system can't handle being outside. Is she bored?
Lonely? Insane? Is this normal? What do I do? I'm scared she'll eat
more carpet and die. Survival of the fittest yadda yadda I know but all
this aside I really like her, I can't imagine life without her, how do I
teach an unteachable animal to stop trying to kill herself?
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1 comment:
Um, I love you, but you're a crazy cat lady.
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