Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Catch up so we can move forward

To recap so we can move forward, in the last 5 months:

-I broke up with my boyfriend. Am still pretty messed up but the first three months I was devastated. I promptly lost 17 pounds but was so weak my gastroenterologist made me take anti-naseau meds, which were needed, (I have a dangerous intestinal issue that could kill me at any time, starvation isn't good for it), but I then gained back 25 pounds. BECAUSE LIFE IS A BITCH. If I'm gonna go through something this shitty AT LEAST let me BE SKINNY GODDAMNIT. ahem.

-I was a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding a month after the breakup. I hardly remember it but I know it was lovely and I held my shit together. It was a gay wedding, and let me tell you, if you want a GORGEOUS wedding you better get two gay guys to throw it for you, no bridezilla has anything on them.

-There was a fire in the unit above my condo and my place was 80% destroyed by smoke, water, and broken glass. It sucked, yes, but it was a blessing: It got me moved out of that place and into someplace nicer. I didn't lose anything irreplaceable (photos and yearbooks, grandparent's stuff, somehow all saved). What stuff I could salvage I just let dry out. My new decorating theme is "shipwreck chic" since the stuff that I kept is warped, cracked, and stained with water damage. I replaced things like linens and clothes, I did not replace furniture. I have enough to get by and with a healthy weekly dose of febreeze I can almost pretend my water stained couch doesn't reek like acrid smoke. It's an adventure! I'm Robinson Crusoe! I don't care.

-My car was backed into. Twice. The wedding, the fire, and the co-pay for repairing my car (TWICE) wiped out my fun money account and dipped into my long term savings. Happy I had the money, but ouch.

-I have a new job. A super seeeeeeecret government job. Am not joking. My job is classified now. It is sorta with the same folks I worked for before but higher up and in a new location though I am still associated with my old co-workers (I'm just higher up than them? Muah ah ahhhhhh!). My office has no windows which is very sad. The pay raise was pathetic. But I have a job, which is nice, especially in this economy.

-My liver is F'd up. Bad. And I DON'T KNOW WHY. If you read here you know I'm a fan of the booze but not on a daily basis, and certainly not bottles of it at a time. My bitch doctor assumed I was an alcoholic until I did a ton of research and discovered that the specific elevated enzymes from my labs are not the same as those of an alcoholic, and my doctor was promptly fired. My liver issue has something to do with insulin resistance and not metabolizing fat very well which makes weight loss damn near impossible and YET I have to lose twenty pounds to help with the problem. I broke my ankle last October but the asses that read the x-ray thought it was fine so I hobbled on it for six months until I demanded an MRI. So: Ankle is bad, body won't let go of weight, yet I HAVE to lose weight. This isn't so much angering as it is sigh inducing. I'm figuring it out, but damn, this medical crap is OLD.

-A friend left her abusive husband and had no place to go. She lived with me for 5 weeks. She was a nut case. Ever been around someone who is in shock and denial but in denial about being in said denial? WOW. I mean, here I am just barely getting my footing back and then hurricane crazy pants came in. It did not fail to amuse me that while I was still waking up crying over the breakup (yes, three months in, at least now at five months that fun has stopped) I now had a full grown adult to care for. The universe had/has certainly seen to it that I have plenty of distractions to keep me busy while working through this breakup.

-I took a ten day training trip that was across the ENTIRE COUNTY, 3000 miles, to do some intensive work training. It was worth the distance but flying is low on my list of fun things to do. Like, under being drilled for a cavity without anesthesia low.

-A dear friend in Seattle had to have open heart surgery and now one of her boys is very sick. I may have my crap going on but it certainly isn't trauma of this nature.

-I jump into the next decade in September. I was supposed to mark said occasion with the now ex-boyfriend on a trip to Europe. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I know I need to be out of here and I don't need the reminder of the breakup looming over me, so I'm figuring stuff out. I would still go to Europe but see above re: wiped out savings and you understand why that is not a possibility at this time.

That is all I can remember, for now. It's been a loooooooooong five months and yet it hardly seems to have passed. I have this to say about the breakup, and then I will try to never discuss it again: I've been through some hard stuff in my life (the last 5 months don't count, I'm referring to losing friends to cancer, losing my fertility, my mentally ill mother nearly destroyed me and my siblings, so so many person tragedies and pains, it is truly a blessing to be standing) and yet this stupid breakup absolutely knocked me straight down unlike anything ever before. My therapist has been great and she pointed out that other people too, the most recent one that comes to mind is Shania Twain (for God's sake she was raised bitter poor with no food/heat, dad beat her and her siblings, then her parents died and she had to raise her siblings at a very young age, and yet she recently said that the most devastating thing that she had to suffer was the breakup of her marriage), have found breakups/divorce to be the most oddly devastating and crippling thing they've ever gone through. I really loved this guy. He didn't love me. I will be okay. It will take several more months. People have suffered love lost and betrayal since the dawn of time, I'm not alone in this and I won't be the last. It still hurts though, daily. But I will waste no more space here on that, because it doesn't merit that.

Onward and Upward friends.

Onward and Upward.

Lord, help me, onward and upward.

And should John Krazinsky of the office suddenly become single please send him my way.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sweet jayzus, lady. How do the worst docs end up in your city? Seriously, a bunch of U o' Phoenix grads there? Congrats on the new job! I can't wait for you to blog alll about it. Oh wait.

Onward and upward yee-uh. We'll be in europe in October. Too bad we don't overlap!

As I've said before, I'm so sorry for your break-up. I can remember my worst one occurred in college-- it just devastated me and took several months to get over and even laugh again. Chin up, love.