Good Grief

The Good:

I'm still alive (this has much importance later, see below)
I'm still employed
I have a car that starts every day
I'm dating
My apartment has managed to stay some semblance of clean for several months


The Bad:

We lost my Grandmother on May 8,2008.

The next day I nearly died in the hospital. If my boyfriend hadn't been there to drag me to the ER when I passed out from pain I wouldn't be here today.

My intestines twisted and ruptured. I had a firm 80% chance of death. I am currently a mass of swollen scar tissue in my abdomin and I need major surgery soon. The reason I didn't take the emergency surgery they tried to give me in the hospital is a long and convoluted tale based on them not being clear about what was wrong with me and me being so high on morphine and thowing up everywhere that I begged off for just a couple of hours because I wanted to understand what they were saying.

I am apparently quite lucky to be alive, which I didn't fully know until just this Thursday, when I was tag team berrated by specialists who finally got my damn paperwork (some clerk forgot to send it or something) and I am rather in shock, and scared, because I don't know how I am supposed to process this information.

I greatly tore pretty much everything in the left side of my neck and besides being in constant daily pain I have physical therapy three times a week until hell freezes over and I can't take any pain pills to help.

The intestine rupture prevents me from taking any pain pills to help. My primary doctor asked, after scaring the bejebus out of me, if I was tired all the time. Of course! But I thought it was just being in constant neck and back pain that was wearing me down. Turns out I'm recovering from freaking near death and that, among other little things, takes it's toll on a person.

And suprise! It looks like I may have skin cancer. I get some things biopsied on the 16th of this month. Skin cancer runs in my family.

Could there be anymore?

Sure, but those are the major points.

And my neck is killing me. As always.

I've missed you guys much, and I promise it won't be three months until I write again, but it may be weeks at a time. I need to see more specialists and figure out what they are going to do about this mess, which really is a gigantic stupid mess that makes me even more tired and frustrated on top of everything else.

I could really use a drink right now. Or 10. But since that is out of the question why don't you have a few for me?

Hugs for you all.